Love is everything, Love is nothing

Hi

2008-10-30T20:26:34Z

Hi,
I've been in hospital for a while after a collision with a car (and when I say "collision" I mean that some shit ran me over and then drove off) but am out now and much better although I have problems eating due to the new teeth that I now have.
I'm catching up on the internet (e-mail, LJ, forums etc) and will probably posting on here a bit more regularly for a while until I have made a full recovery.

I feel a bit cheated that when I was hit, I didn't have one of those moments that you read about where your life flashes before your eyes and you see 'the light'.

Sleep now, I just wanted to update because I missed it.

Ellie x

(sorry for ramblings and incorrect grammar but I am on a Lot of drugs)

Dear F-List

2008-10-07T19:35:18Z

Dear the (few) people on my friends list:
What is your favorite shape? This interests me.

x

(oh dear...first time round I wrote 'Dead F-list', slip of the fingers...)

Edit: Er...I'm not sure what happened there...it seems that after all this time, I am still having trouble using LJ.

Dead F-List

2008-10-07T19:34:05Z

Dear the (few) people on my friends list:
What is your favorite shape? This interests me

x

How I have missed LJ

2008-08-24T17:16:28Z

I haven't updated here in ages, It seems like less but LJ assures me that I last updated 6 weeks ago.
I've just got back from holiday with my boyfriend and our friends, it was great, cheap and very relaxing. I think I realized just how odd my boyfriend is though.
Example: We were walking down the road at about 2 in the morning and he turned to me and said "Do you have any evening dresses or fancy dresses?"
(bearing in mind that i'm not a formal/dressy person and we don't live together so he wouldn't really know if I had any or not)
me: "erm no...I don't think so. I've got a summer dress that i wear sometimes though."
him:" I've only got the one...It's a shame. You can help me pick out a new one when we get back."
me "er okay".
Maybe my boyfriend is a transvestite and i didn't know. This is just one of his many peculiarities that i noticed when on holiday. There was some very suspicious talk about homeopathy, travel pills and wine gums at one point aswell...

ellie9292 @ 2008-07-12T11:14:00

2008-07-12T10:19:57Z

This is a picture pf the beach in Portugal, it is so beautiful, I'm trying to figure out how to upload the rest of the photos I have (I don't have i digital camera, I got Boots to give me a CD of them) but I'm failing at the moment.

I've been at my new job a week now and I really like it, of course everything isn't perfect but it's doing something I like and the people are very sweet.

ellie9292 @ 2008-07-08T17:39:00

2008-07-08T16:43:00Z

It was the second day of my new job today, so far I really like it. The people I'm working with are brilliant, fun and helpful. Today was donut tuesday so I'm liking this job already. I think I've realized my purpose in life...I'm really good at packing/unpacking and labeling boxes. I spend the morning before my coffee break doing just that and doing it well.
It's very tiring though, I didn't get a chance to sit down once today which is a shame because the chairs in the staffroom are quite comfy.

They gave us a cheque and took us by our necks and swore undying loyalty

2008-07-05T20:33:29Z

This is getting more than slightly annoying now. Almost two weeks after and still the bruises on my arm haven't gone and I still have shooting pains up and down it. I don't know if this is supposed to happen but I'll leave it for a few more days before doing anything about it. Also, I drank some alcohol today for the first time in almost 2 weeks. Not a good idea, just a nice glass of wine and I nearly puked at the first sip. I hope that goes away also but I don't think (except socially) that it will be a big loss if I find myself unable to drink for a while.
I'm starting my new job on monday, the hours are ok but the pay is really not that great, I hate meeting new people, especially ones who I will be in close proximity with over the next few months (at least).

Portugal

2008-06-26T20:04:09Z

I've just got back from Portugal, it is such a lovely place and I had an amazing time, I won't let the last night there (more later) ruin it for me.
It was so relaxing, we (I and five of my friends) spent the week on the beach, walking, reading and shopping. No television thankfully!
On one of the days, we watched the football (Portugal v Germany) at a barbecue with some German people that we met out there. After the match (Portugal lost) we went out and people were crying in the streets but our German friends were cheering and celebrating, this earned them a few dirty looks but they found it all very funny.
There was a nice little bar opposite us which we frequented and there were other great places next to the beach as well, although we did question the sensibilities on having a bar practically on the beach.
We were very near the border of Spain and so one day we caught the boat (5 min journey) over to Spain and spent the afternoon there. It seemed so strange that in five minutes and over a stretch of river there was an hours time difference and they spoke a different language. I found some lovely bits of jewelery to take back for friends and family which they all love and brought some cheap new shoes.
Everything was going so well until the last night, none of us had fought, there were no accidents and we all had good tans. Then on the last night we went to the bar opposite and everything went to shit. Someone spiked my drink and i spent the rest of the night in a Portuguese hospital. I don't have any memories from 9.30pm to 4 in the morning which was when i vaguely remember waking up and being told I was in hospital before losing consciousness again. I woke up again at about 7 in the morning when they did some more tests on me, one of my friends was there as they had only allowed one in the ambulance with me and she told me what had happned, she was amazing and I don't know how she managed to be so great because she was pretty terrified.
I know I sound very whiny, and I know I'm lucky nothing worse happened but I was really scared when I woke up and it was all a bit nasty.
I don't feel like I will drink again which is not something I ever thought I'd say. It seems my arm reacted badly to all the needles as it has turned an interesting shade of blue and I have pain all up it.
It wasn't the best end to the holiday and we had to get a cab straight from the hospital to the airport so I wouldn't miss the flight home but it doesn't change that the rest of it was brilliant and I had an amazing time.
I'll probably put pics up when they come back from developing.

Portugal

2008-06-25T20:57:14Z

I've just got back from Portugal. I went with 5 friends for a week, it was so amazing apart from one night which was awful. I'll do a sort of write up of it tomorrow.

(I go on holiday for a week, come back and there are all these e-mails telling me that Carl's in hospital! Had me worried before i read the ones saying he was out again)

Dirty Pretty Things, 27th May 2008 - London Astoria

2008-05-29T17:31:13Z

Dirty Pretty Things, 27th May 2008 - London Astoria.

Amazing, that was one of the best nights I've had. I spent the train journey home writing about it so that's why it's really shit (it was about one in the morning and I was quite drunk) and badly worded. I could just re-write it now but my laziness has overpowered this way of thinking.
I got there very early and with the intention of getting food before the gig. This all went down the pan. I got to the Astoria at about 17:00, with two hours to go before the doors even opened, there were already a few people queuing (two boys and a girl) and I decided to join them. I don't normally do that, infact, I don't think I've ever been at the barrier for a gig (except at my local forum) but I decided to get a place at the front this time. The two hours passed surprisingly quickly and the two guys (who were fanboying excessively over carl), one of the Astoria staff (who also was) and I were having a good old laugh at/with this poor guy who was being frisked on the street corner. I seem to remember that the guy who worked at the Astoria told us that it was probable that The Libertines and another band (I've forgotten but if it were true it would be amazing) were going to reform at Reading.
About an hour after we got in (right at the barrier) the first support band came on, they were Kieran Leonard & The GoodKnights and surprisingly I quite liked them and wished for a longer set (they only did four songs) from them. They did rather a brilliant cover of DPT's '9 lives' and to use a common cliche: they really made it their own. The next support were called Dusty Road and the River Band, who, like KL&TGK, also had a violinist. However, the similarities ended there, they had a very eccentric front man and the crowd seemed to love them, I definitely did. The energy radiating off them was very catching and Kieran Leonard joined them to perform a song, that was frankly bloody brilliant . The two supports warmed up the audience very effectively, I and the girl next to me both agreed that the support bands were of surprisingly good quality.
Dirty Pretty Things took to the stage with chants of "Gary! Gary!" from the now buzzing audience. They kicked off with 'Buzzards and Crows' from the new album which was a good energetic start to the set. I can't remember the exact set list or the order in which it was played but there were amazing performances of: 'Wondering', 'Gin and Milk', 'Chinese Dogs', 'The Enemy'; which was when a security guard elbowed me in the eye, 'You Fucking Love It, 'Doctors and Dealers', 'Hippy Son'; which sounded much better live, 'Tired of England'; which provoked an obscene amount of crowdsurfers, 'Last Of The Small Town Playboys' and 'Deadwood'. I'm sure 'Bloodthirsty Bastards' was on the setlist anyway, but when we requested it they played it promptly. There was a lot of interaction between the band, with Stan and Carl having a kind of shoulder/head fight which mirrored the poses of the horses on the drumkit. I wish I'd got a photo of that. There was a short break and then they came back and played a beautiful version of 'This Is Where The Truth Begins'(the audience seemed to love this), followed by 'Burma' which - if i remember correctly - saw Carl discard his guitar and just sing, this was another massive audince sing along. The gig ended with 'Bang Bang You're Dead' which had an extended intro, this was a briliant to end the night and there were far too many crowdsurfers for the security to handle. Finally, Carl stagedived (nearly crushing me), Anthony dived into the drum kit and Didz and Gary probably did something but I couldn't see as I had a Carlos in my face. (Seriously, I swear I was the only one holding him up, everyone else was just trying to touch him/get his clothing and I was underneath going "I'm gonna collapse under you in a minute Carl, then you'll be fucked.) Anthony then played the drums in time to Didz's effects pedal (which he was pissing himself at), they thanked the crowd and shouted something about London (que loud "Whoooooooyeah" from crowd) and left the stage.
I've got bruises all over my chest, ribs and legs (I'm normally less hurt when I'm the the mosh-pit ffs), which were mainly inflicted upon me by the sodding security who seemed to have no qualms about smacking me in the face, but it was fucking worth it.
Next time they come play in London, I'm there!
Now I should go back and correct all my appalling grammar and punctuation but, again, the laziness...

One sunny morning around suppertime, A tiger stood camouflaged to the lime green sky.

2008-05-25T20:00:49Z

Do you ever have those days that just make you forget that everything is wrong? They are so rare but so perfect. Yesterday I got the train up to where some of my old friends live to have a picnic by the old castle. Thank God the start of the day didn't set the mood for the whole day, there were terror alerts and bag searches on the train and I got there a bit late but my friends were there to meet me, I love them for the little things like that, they make me feel wanted. Hugh had brought his dog (a border collie called Magic) and I swear I've never seen such a bundle of energy.
Anyway, we walked through the back paths (which are so beautiful and scenic) up to the castle which looks (to me) a lot smaller than it used to, and settled down next to the lake. We all talked (over each other) and ate and got dog slobber all over us (lovely), then Vicky (bless her) got out the guitar and we had a little sing song. I haven't done that in so long, I was almost crying at that moment because I was so happy.
I got the train back in the late evening after a day spent re-establishing relationships and couldn't stop smiling. I'm sure everyone on the train thought I was slightly mad but I couldn't help it.
On a slightly less happy note, I then spent the entire night (well 4 hours of it) puking my guts up in the toilet.

I found it slightly disturbing that the day after this (^) picture was taken, two bodies were found in these woods (next to my road). One was an aspiring musician who I had seen play at the local a few times, he had a lot of potential, RIP.

*sigh* Oh how I miss Didz's upper lip. Nice necklace though Carl.

Me.

2008-05-07T17:20:07Z

Quiz, stolen from inalbion

How many people have you liked in the past 8 months?
Not many new people.

Have you ever done anything illegal?
I think so.

Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom, or your dad?
My dad

Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Just waking up probably.

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
Very very easy. Annoyingly so.

What are you going to do tomorrow?
Go to the shops.

Who do you wish you were with right now?
My friends ex-boyfriend who is a bit upset.

Who was the last person you kissed?
Said friends ex-boyfriend (which yes, i do feel awful about.)

Does anyone hate you for no reason?
Yes.

Can you make yourself cry?
Yes.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
5.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yes

When was the last time you lied?
Saturday, I completely forgot something but I said I was ill.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
Just once i think.

Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
Nope.

Have you ever kissed someone who's name starts with the letter C?
Carl.

Have you ever been out past curfew?
I don't think i ever really had a curfew.

Have you ever snuck people into your house?
Yes.

Are you easily confused?
Sometimes.

Do you think you'd make a good parent?
I hope so, I do want kids.

What is your favorite kind of ice cream?
Mint.

Do you like your school?
Not really.

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches?
no

Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
Yes, and felt disgusted with myself.

What colour are your socks?
green i think.

Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it back?
Yes.

When and what was behind the last reason you cried?
When I thought the mail had already gone without something really really important. The only time i've ever been thankfull for the post being so late.

Do you like anyone on your myspace?
I don't use myspace, maybe i should think about it.

Something you've learned about the opposite sex?
They aren't all out for one thing like everyone says.

When was the last time you laughed?
On my lunch break.

What are you listening to right now?
Shimmy like Kate - Anthony Hill. (It's quite a sweet little song)

How has the week been?
Pretty awful actually.

So is there something you wish you could tell someone but you cant?
Yes.

What time did you wake up today?
6.30. No matter how hard I try or how late I get to bed, I can't actually make myself sleep past 6.30. I have a lot of trouble with sleep.

What level can you play on Guitar Hero?
I don't play guitar hero!

When was the last time you ate ice cream?
10 minutes ago. (Disgusting 10p tesco ice cream is not actually that disgusting.)
............

Today did you hug a person you have feelings for?
I didn't hug anyone today.

What level can you play on drums for Rock Band?
I don't know what that is, is it like guitar hero for drums?

Siblings?
One brother (haven't seen him in years though), One sister.

Does your home phone have caller id?
No.

Who is your favorite neighbor?
My neighbors are uppity twats.

Do you wish at 11:11?
no, i've never heard of people doing that.

Ever gotten a detention?
Yes.

Do you still watch Disney channel?
I don't have or have ever had the disney channel.

Your last IM?
My leeds friend.

Something new you did this past week?
Wrote something that I am actually happy with.

Single or taken?
single at the moment.

What song bests describes your love life right now?
blah blah blah - ?

something you'll never do?
Wear ugg boots. That's not very profound is it? Maybe later.

things your wearing right now:
Green shorts and a black hoodie.

Are you currently in a relationship?
No.

ellie9292 @ 2008-05-05T16:31:00

2008-05-05T15:52:32Z

A small collection of live recordings and demos I found whilst cleaning out my documents.
Dirty Pretty Things - This is where the truth begins:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FIQROK2U
I love this, it's been in my head all day and I can't wait for the album.

Mumm-ra - Clowns:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HJ39S7V0
Before the forum got shut (when they split) Tommy posted this on there, meant for album number two, which is sadly now never going to happen.

Teignmouth live - Patrick Wolf:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=E6TLWMBG

CSS remix of The Wombats's Kill the director:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=1EMID7JO

Acoustic Dreaming of you - The coral:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=375TOAQX
I'm not sure what this is from.

I also just found this, very beautiful:

More later i expect, I have a ridiculous amount of things to go through on my computer.

"Mumm-ra fur immer"

Diary

2008-05-04T13:07:01Z

Diary for the next month or so:
14th May: White Lies/Crystal Castles/Team waterpolo - London.
16th May: The Satin Peaches - London
27th May: Dirty Pretty Things - London.
14th June (my birthday) Simon Amstell - Southend
17th June: Portugal with friends.
And various other things i hope.

And it's so sad but they're so glad that you're so bad for me

2008-04-16T14:33:51Z

Every generation gets fooled again
And every generation is to blame
And its no good saying its not in your name
'cause it is in your name
And this generation is the same
And this generation is to blame
And I'm sorry that I can't join in any more
But I've been let down : too many times before
Oh yeah we mean it
We hate the kids
So dance dance dance to the radio tonight

I wanted to believe in rock'n'roll stars
I wanted to believe in contemporary art
I wanted to aspire to a higher path
But there's no higher path
It was ever thus, and it was ever you
And it's ever us because we'll do it too
And we're sorry to the all the disinherited meek, and
We're sorry for this con-trick that we play on the people
Oh yeah we mean it
We hate the kids
So dance dance dance to the radio tonight

And nobody ever comes alive
And the journalists clamour round glamour like flies
And boys who should know better grin and get high
With fat men who once met the MC5
And no one discusses what they don't understand
And no one does anything to harm the brand
And this gift is an illusion, this isn't hard
Absolutely anyone can play the fucking guitar
Oh yeah we mean it
We hate the kids
Useless children genuflecting
To the idols who exploit them
Open mouthed and arsed expecting
Some god to anoint them
Dance Dance Dance to this radio tonight

And there's always a monk to get set on fire
And there's always a crackhead charismatic liar
And there's always a depth to which you can aspire
And there's always a teenager due to expire
Pop had a beginning, it grew and was tended
Now it is rotten. Let it be ended.
Let every hopeless case that every drummer befriended,
Every seven-inch that every student intended
Every groupie and ligger and identity seeker
Every druggy and drinker and every loudspeaker
Be done with, be piled up, tossed, set alight
No more music, thank you, goodnight.

I was reading an old copy of Private Eye this morning (from about January I think) and having a good old chuckle about the article on the press and Kate Middleton. However, this got me thinking; how much of what the paps do is actually legal? For example with Britany Spears people are always reporting on 80mph car chases up the road. That can't be legal can it? There can be one law for anyone else who wants to speed like that, but another for the paps and spears. Also, don't they have to have special permission to photograph anybody's children? I'm sure i've seem pictures of children whos parents have said that they won't let people take photos of them.
(rant/)
I saw my sister today for the first time in quite a while, shes a bit bashed up but it's her own fault and nothing is broken.
I also told a friend that I would be at a party tonight, when I dont have any means of transport. Things always turn up don't they...?
I think Enter Skikari are playing their so called "secret" myspaz show here on friday, I don't like them that mush though and the forum will be filled with idiots.

wonderwall

2008-04-14T18:27:17Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gVxRvNfFLg
(I'm not sure if this works.)
I can't listen to Oasis, this is such a good cover, it makes me love wonderwall.
I normally (strongly) dislike oasis songs but ryan adams has made me love wonderwall.
Edit: So apparently I don't know how to post videos.

Writer's Block: Lost & Found

2008-04-08T17:30:26Z

What have you lost that you wish you still had?

View 500 Answers

No material possesions, just parts of my mind that i can't find anymore and that childish innocence we all used to have. I loved that.
Confidence as well, and the ability to stand up for myself.

One sunny morning around suppertime...

2008-04-08T17:03:04Z

Yesterday, around 8 in the evening i was out walking, i walked past a man who stopped briefly and said "Good Morning", i smiled back and replied "Morning". We then both went on our merry way.

Pretty Boy, good few months ahead.

2008-03-30T14:46:58Z

Pretty Boy:Jamie Campbell Bower (sp?)

oh and another KOL one:

Im seeing Simon Amstell in June, (on my birthday to be precise) and Dirty Pretty Things in May and if i can be bothered then Adam Green in April, LMHR carnival thing in april also. Shaping up to be a good few months.
Work now...i cannot distract my self any longer.

The whole place is pickled, the people are pickles for sure

2008-03-25T21:28:54Z

Hello sir:

x

Where has your love gone...?

2008-03-24T21:42:11Z

I was just looking back over one of my (written) diary's from November of last year and i appear to have quite an unhealthy hate of Jim Davidson...

on closer inspection i was tired, dehydrated, hungry, watching bad TV and baby-sitting for the folks down the road so i guess i had some excuse. I was also complaining of the cold...I always seem to be cold. Maybe i should get some more clothes. Gah, i hate shopping.
My friend thinks that i am quite mental now. I got back, met her in town and we went back to mine, as I entered the kitchen i said something similar to "Hold on - I just have to take the table off these shoes". I then proceeded to take the table off said shoes (my work ones). She was just looking at me like i was crazy.
Explanation: The sole had come away from the shoe so i superglued it down and 'cos i couldn't be bothered to sit there for hours and hold the pieces together, i put the table on top of it. See: not crazy.
I had quite a nice day today, had lunch with my boy-friend and spent quite a lot of time on a train. I love trains, especially at night and you can see everything whizzing past you.
GoodNight.
Picoodle isn't working or there would be some Jared Followill right here.

Heather Mills, Easter, Lost, Snow.

2008-03-23T21:13:53Z

I hope Heather Mills goes to live in Margate and is somehow prevented from leaving there.

Ever. It's the worst fate i could wish on someone i think. Except death, and i hope she doesn't die (yet) 'cause she'll probably be given some sort of sympathy, besides, i think she's her own worst enemy and if she stays alive she'll harm herself more than anyone else claiming to be her worst enemy could.
uneventfull. I went out to get some supplies very early (like 8.00am, because the local shop closes at 10am on holidays)and got snowed on very heavily, it was so cold! Found a few creme eggs and watched 'The Secret Garden' whilst wrapped up in my duvet (I have no heating at the moment). I haven't seen it since i was about 10. i swear Andrew Knott (Dikon) hasn't changed a bit, he looked the same there as he does in 'History Boys'.

In 'The Secret Garden'

'History Boys' era.

I can't believe it, i got lost today! I've lived here for quite a while now and i managed to get lost on my way home. I went to town for a walk and found the only thing open was Oxfam, brought a book of collective Wordsworth poems and made my way home. I went up past The Forum but instead of going left like i normaly do coming out of there, i kept right and took a short-cut though the woods. I didnt come out where i thought it did and i ended up by a load of rocks and very confused. It didnt help that there were these people there who semed to know me. They were chatting to me they way people who know you already would chat and i felt so bad for not remembering. I was just standing there wondering if i had lived next door to them at some point. Anyway, i found the main road at last and managed to find my way home, but what should have been a 20 minute walk, turned into 2 and a half hours 'cos i got lost. If i dont know my way round by now, then i never will.
Snow is loved by everyone i know but i can't stand it when its blowing in my face and i'm cold and tired and slipping over all over the place.
My sister is in India traveling at the moment and she sent me an Easter text bless her, can't wait to see her, i haven't in months but she's coming in a few weeks.
Drinking Baileys right now, mmmm. By my self so i feel a bit of a loner but I'm spending the day with my boyfriend tomorrow and looking forward to that. I don't think it's the best of ideas having a boyfriend who doesn't live that near you but it seems that the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' bollocks is actually true.
Nighty nights
xxxxxx

Wasdale, beautiful pictures.

2008-03-22T22:20:26Z

Pictures...

I really bloody miss it!
I'm going back for the first time in 2 years this summer.

Wasdale - The Lake District. Reminds me a lot of my brother.

Glasvegas, Books/Librarys, and something i meant to write but forgot...

2008-03-22T20:03:51Z

Im not that thrilled by Glasvegas but i do connect with their lyrics quite a bit...

Daddy's Gone:
how you are my hero
how you're never here though
remember times when you put me on your shoulders
how i wish it was forever you would hold us
right now i'm too young to know
how in the future it will affect me when you go
you could have had it all
you, me, and mum y`know
anything was possible

i won't be the lonely one, sitting on my own and sad
a fifty year old reminiscing what i had

forget your dad, he's gone

all i wanted was a kick-a-bout in the park
for you to race me home when it was nearly getting dark
how i could've been yours and you'd be mine
it could've been me and you until the end of time
do what you want, when you want
be as fucking insincere as you can
what kind of way is that to treat your wife
to see your son on saturdays,
what way is that to live your life?

i won't be the lonely one, sitting on my own and sad
a fifty year old reminiscing what i had

Forget your dad, he's gone
Forget your dad, he's gone

When i was younger my father wasn't there much due to work mainly, i think these lyrics would speak out to quite a lot of people.
I'm skint at the moment so i haven't had a chance to go and get it, but I've been hearing a lot of good things about 'The Perks of being a wallflower' I should be able to read it soon though as i start work in the town library in a few weeks. It'll beat working in a cafe im sure. Loads of my friends are taking the piss out of me for it but i love books so why shouldn't i work there?
Anyway, after looking up reviews for it, i came across this poem thats in it:
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
*

Off out now, no ramblings on the size Zero debate tonight as i'm not in the office where all my silly little writings on every topic are.
G'night.
xx

Pic taken by Andrew Kendall.

EXAMS

2008-01-09T11:44:55Z

English: went very well, media paper nd i can do english without too much stress.
Maths: That was a ridiculous paper.
History: I love history and it went alright, better than expected
got off to an OK start except for maths, hoping to do well in German tomorrow.
xxx